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While these situations all appear quite different, they have one thing in common: they stretch your patience.

But what does that have to do with ‘jerk-baiting’? We spoke to couple’s counseller Heidi Gee to get the low-down on that very question: welcome to the most devious dating trend of 2019.

Read the full article on dmarge.com.

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An orgasm is a full body experience because it involves more than one erogenous zone (an area of the body which, when stimulated can create sexual response) . The tingling and explosive sensation you start feeling when you are excited is due to increased blood pressure and heart rate, and most of that blood is directed towards your genitals. As you get closer to orgasm your clitoris will pull back up under the clitoral hood. The clitoris is made up of over 8,000 individual nerve endings, it enlarges and swells. The inner labia will also begin to swell and the outer lips separate.

The G-Spot 

The Grafenberg spot or G-Spot, is the erogenous area of the vagina. Stimulating this area may lead to intense sexual arousal, powerful orgasms and the potential to ejaculate. There are still questions on whether the G-spot exists and the source of female ejaculation. Some studies suggest that the G spot is an extension of the clitoris which may be the cause of orgasms experienced vaginally. For some women, stimulating the G-Spot creates more of an intense orgasm than clitoral stimulation. The G-Spot needs direct stimulation such as 2 fingers pressed deeply into it. Sexual penetration such as missionary position is difficult to penetrate the G-spot because of the particular angle of penetration that is required. The Cowgirl or Doggie Style position may be easier to penetrate the G-Spot. There are many women who have never experienced a vaginal orgasm and this is normal.

The Sexual Response Cycle 

Through their research, Masters and Johnston explain that there are four phases the body goes through before, during and after orgasm. The Excitement Phase, Plateau, Orgasm and Resolution Phase. The genital muscles, including the uterus , experience rhythmic contractions around 0.8 seconds apart. The female orgasm typically lasts longer than the male at an average of around 13-51 seconds. Unlike men, most women do not have a refractory recovery period and so can have further orgasms if they are stimulated again. For more information on the response cycle, look up Masters and Johnston and also check out Rosemary Basson’s response cycle which is more complex.

Benefits of Orgasm 

When you orgasm, you body releases a cocktail of hormones such as oxytocin ( love hormone) which plays a role in social bonding, (cuddling) linked to passion and sexual reproduction. Oxytocin also helps reduce anxiety . Low levels of oxytocin is correlated with high levels of stress. Orgasms can help with self-esteem and gives you that sex glow.

Tips on how to orgasm 

There are many different types of sex toys to help you orgasm or stimulate you G-Spot. Have fun experimenting with different types of toys to see what works for you. Masturbation can play a pivotal role. It is important to know your body and understand what works for you. This can be done solo or you can explore with a partner. Remember to communicate your needs, what you like and where to touch. Use language like, “ I love it when you kiss my”, “ It feels good when you touch my…

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HOW DOES THE FEMALE EJACULATION WORKS?

The female ejaculation can happen through stimulating the erotic zone known as the G-spot.  Studies indicate that the ejaculate comes from the para urethral gland ( also referred to as skene glands or female prostate) which is located on the anterior wall of the vagina around the lower end of the uretha.

To help locate the G-spot an ideal position is for your partner to enter-from-behind or you sit on-top (cow girl position might help), these positions offers the right friction, deep penetration, and the right stimulation for ejaculation. Sex toys can may also be assist and can be used with a partner or solo. There will need to be enough pressure on your G-spot when thrusting while the clitoris is being stimulated.

WHAT DO SOME RESEARCHERS SAY ABOUT FEMALE EJACULATION?

Female ejaculation is generally prostatic liquids combined with urine. Some women believe that the fluid they feel coming out during sex is actually urine. Research states that 70% of women stop in the middle of intercourse to use the bathroom because of this mentality and potentially may have stopped the ultimate ejaculation. An international survey confirmed that the female ejaculation is healthy for the body and nerves to relax properly also it enriches one’s sexual life. There is a lot of mystery behind female ejaculation with many different theories. More research is required in this area.

I spoke with 35 year old Penelope who shared her experience of ejaculating

How old were you when you first ejaculated? 

I was 27 years old

Did you have any knowledge of female ejaculation at the time?

Yes I did, Ive seen squirt porn before but thought it would never happen to me!

Are the images of women squirting in porn movies a true depiction of what its like?

Well, the women I’ve seen  in porn movies actually squirt like a hose whereas I kinda gush. There is still a lot of liquid but it doesn’t shoot out like in those movies. Any splatter is caused from penetration. The first time I squirted with my husband it splashed in his eye… he was quite shocked! But no it doesn’t come out like a hose! That would be funny!

What techniques does your partner use to help you ejaculate? 

The biggest thing is to take my legs and push my knees as far back towards my chest and wide open towards my arm pits. This brings my pelvis up and its easier to hit the g-spot. My husband is on top.

Are you able to make yourself squirt?

Nope and never tried. I don’t like fingering myself or using a dildo for penetration. Doesn’t feel good when I do it.

Does the ejaculate have an odour?

Smells like watered down pee!

Do you believe the ejaculate is different to urine?

I have no idea. It must come from the same pipe! It’s not strong like urine but it does smell like it!

Some guys feel like a failure if they haven’t ‘made’ a women ejaculate, have you experienced this?

Nope, actually when I have sex now with my husband I usually don’t want him to make me squirt because it leaves a big mess. I can still come without the squirting. If we’re in a hotel it’s a different story!

Describe the feeling to me, how is it different from clitoral stimulation?

It’s completely different. It’s like vaginal muscle contractions without that big euphoric wave throughout your whole body you get from a clitoral orgasm. You can come over and over and over with really short intervals. A clitoral orgasm is like a hundred times more intense. The more I orgasm vaginally the more I want … but one clitoral orgasm and I’m done! The BEST thing is to come both ways at once!

Resources 
The “secret” to female ejaculation: Carrie Weisman, AlterNet
The science behind female ejaculation; James Sherlock
Women’s health/ Female Ejaculation: Is It Pee or Not? By Annie Daly
What It’s Really Like to Ejaculate During Sex/By Rachel HillsD

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What’s the first thing that comes to mind when hear the word ‘Sexuality’?

A lot of people have a misconception about what sexuality really implies and may only think of sexual activity whenever they come across the term. However, sexuality is lot more than just getting butt naked and fucking. Here’s a definition from the World Health Organisation (WHO);

“Sexuality is a central aspect of being human throughout life and encompasses sex, gender identities and roles, sexual orientation, eroticism, pleasure, intimacy and reproduction. Sexuality is experienced and expressed in thoughts, fantasies, desires, beliefs, attitudes, values, behaviours, practices, roles and relationships. While sexuality can include all of these dimensions, not all of them are always experienced or expressed. Sexuality is influenced by the interaction of biological, psychological, social, economic, political, cultural, ethical, legal, historical, religious and spiritual factors” (1).

Now, simply put,”sexuality” refers to the way through which an individual expresses themselves as a sexual entity. It depicts the importance of sexual expression in the life of the individual; Their channel of expression; and their preference of a sexual partner. Okay, you might ask, if that’s the case…

Why do we all have different sexuality?

We all differ in sexuality because of various factors including childhood influences, genetic predisposition and peer-pressure, amongst other factors. Attempts to find a singular cause for varying sexuality have been unsuccessful. Sexuality, it seems, is a characteristic of our distinctive make-up (I don’t mean mascara), and probably progresses through our initial early childhood interactions. Generally, our sexuality reaches its full expression in teen years but sometimes takes a few more years for us to accept it.

The Different Aspects of Sexuality

Sexuality involves many aspects of being human, including but not exclusive to the genitals. It comprises of the following:

• Sensuality
• Sexual health
• Gender/sexual identity
• Intimacy and relationships

As influenced by an individual’s values, experience, culture, and spirituality, each of these components can contain healthy or unhealthy aspects.

The following are factors that give form and meaning to our sexuality:

• values and beliefs
• physical attributes
• attitudes
• sexual characteristics
• societal expectations
• experiences

In a Nutshell

People define sex in different ways, it can include vaginal, anal, oral sex and other activities. However, sex is just one diminutive aspect of who we are as sexual entities. Even individuals who are not having sex are still sexual beings; The concept of sexuality is the sum of all the following:

1. It is beyond body parts and sex (though these are important parts of sexuality).

2. Sexuality comprises of our gender identity

3. Sexuality involves gender roles

4. It consists of our sexual orientation.

5. Sexuality includes what is termed “body image” (and no, it’s not a photograph of one’s butt) it is how people feel about their bodies. Having a poor body image can have a profound effect on an individual’s ability to build healthy relationships.

6. Sexuality, as most would agree, involves our sexual “happenings” or experiences, thoughts, ideas, fantasies, etc.

7. The influence of media, friends, family, age, life goals, religion, and our self-esteem play a huge role in our sexual selves .

8. Sexuality also includes how individuals experience and interpret touch, intimacy, compassion, joy, love, and sorrow. Understanding the concept of sexuality, and not only the sex aspect, can help in fostering and encouraging the development of healthy relationships throughout our lives.

Sources:

[1] “Gender and Human Rights.” Www.who.int. N.p., 31 Jan. 2016. Web. 6 July 2016. <http://www.who.int/reproductivehealth/topics/gender_rights/sexual_health/en/>

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